The Liberal - Conservative difference explained

[imported_ut1]

(Remember that "Vegetarian" is the Native American (Indian) word for poor hunter.)

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the winter and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the summer.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals; and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the [censored].

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be repeated immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to [censored] them off.
[img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[CoeburnCane]

Oooh goody--another Conservatively-skewed copy and paste that doesn't have any original ideas from the person that posted it.

Ya know ut1...just like anything else on here, people would respect the topic more if you actually put your own ideas out there. I would have been impressed had you been the one who wrote that.

Now give us the link so we can see what kind of skewed site that came from... [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif[/img]

[imported_ut1]

Wow, don't recognize satirical humor, now do you? It was meant as a funny, not something to wrinkle the brow to postulate an intelligent response.... [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

[CoeburnCane]

[ QUOTE ]
Wow, don't recognize satirical humor, now do you? It was meant as a funny, not something to wrinkle the brow to postulate an intelligent response.... [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

It had it's humor in it...granted. But the purpose of it was to throw off on one side or the other instead of discussing something worthwhile.

The humor's cool...no problem w/that. To be honest I laughed at parts of it because it was humorous. But between that and the other copy/paste with that military guy's response--why not press that agenda a little harder??? You're pressing it pretty hard right now.

I expect a copy/paste from a Conservative site from you "discussing" or "making humor" out of say, gays in the military or stem cell research.

Once again--zero problem w/the humor. However I see a trend forming.

[imported_ut1]

No trend. Just happened to be a couple of e-mails I received from two different sources. If you have a problem with it, then send me a PM, which is supposed to be the action of choice by mods.

[Hokie]

[ QUOTE ]
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the [censored].

[/ QUOTE ]

My favorite liberal quote- Democrats are sexy. Whoever heard of a great piece of elephant?

By the way I consider myself to be on the liberal side of the spectrum. I realized it was a joke- didn't bother me a bit. A lot of people cut and paste jokes on this forum. Big deal...

now there's another person who cuts and pastes a lot, but i dont think it was the OP.

[R0cketer]

I don't think it was a problem with the posts, as much as the obvious stuff. Honestly, its not much different posting political stuff like that, than Hokie Bird posting his religious stuff. Not saying that any of it is wrong, its just the way its done.

I mean there is just as much stuff like that downing everything Conservative as there is Liberal. Even though I think there is too much stuff labeled as "Liberal" being all Democratic or bad, and of course vice versa, too much stuff labeled as "Conservative" and Republican and bad.

I have a lot more respect for people who aren't liberal or conservative, not Republican or Democratic, because anybody who claims to be 100% (or close to it) of either side, is someone who is a sheep. I understand that if someone runs for an office, they all but have to be either a Democrat or a Republican (the number of Independents who win anything is extremely low), but for Joe Citizen, the idea of being one or the other is extremely close minded.

Sorry, I am jaded. I know that I tend towards liberal ideas, or at least defending them on here, but mainly just due to the hatred that comes from the Conservative side. I think I do it now just as a counter-balance. You read most of the posts I make political, I'm pretty equal in downing either side, or both sides. Why is that? Because both sides are self-serving liars, who will do whatever they can to make the other side look bad, their side look good, and at the expense of us, the citizens. Bottom line.

[CoeburnCane]

Dammit--I'll go ahead and out myself. I just did via PM to ut1 anyway...

I'm bored.

It's Friday night.

I felt like causing a stir... [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

I probably shouldn't have done it but I was bored. No excuse, but I don't think any harm done. I actually thought parts of it were pretty funny like I said above.

[R0cketer]

Maybe its just work, but I've learned that there is good people and bad people on both sides of the political fence. Likewise, there are buttholes on both sides, people that I wouldn't trust to watch a shiny people for me.

I don't really have that strong of a preference either way anymore, but what I do absolutely despise is people who would defend Hitler if he was in their party, crucify Christ if he was in the other party.

[imported_ut1]

I had my own liberal thoughts and ideas, probably when I was close to your age, but I grew out of them. I guess I can't claim to be either Republican or Democrat since I have plans to be a candidate for a non-political office in the near future. But I am a bonafide Conservative (not as described in the above satire though!)and am convinced I will remain one until I die. I have as much a problem with the current administration as any Liberal or Democrat, maybe even moreso since I expected more out of Bush than what we've seen, and since I placed my trust in him by voting for him.
I've been on this forum for 5 years now, and most know I'm not a cut-n-paste lackey. I saw something that I wanted to share, one with a serious note, and another that I found contained a lot of humor.